You may have noticed that I have been MIA my blog has been silent since earlier this year. Its been a hell of a ride. I have spent the last 75 days fighting for my health and 31 of those days hooked up to an IV drip taking antibiotics to fight off a series of serious infections. Late last summer I noticed a small place on my arm that looked like an ant bite but was very painful and red, I went to the doctor and was told that it was MRSA. I got a script for antibiotics,recovered with no difficulty and moved right on with life, never giving it another thought. Some months later I noticed that I was struggling to have the energy to make it through the day. I was slowly gaining weight and feeling like I was struggling with this since it has been years since I had any difficulty maintaining my weight easily, this was perplexing to me. I decided that perhaps I was starting early menopause and began to eat more consciously and exercise more. But nothing changed, after two months of rigorous boot camp workouts and very careful nutrition I had only lost a couple of pounds and seemed to be more tired and exhausted than ever. Then came the surgery, a routine surgery on my sinuses… no big deal right.

I expected to have the surgery and get back to my workouts, create a plan for dealing with the hormonal issues and get my life and health back on track. This did not happen. Following the surgery I experienced tremendous pain in my face, extreme exhaustion, fevers, and flu like symptoms and despite oral antibiotics and prescription pain medication nothing was changing. I was sick and I felt it all the way to my bones. I realized that something was very wrong with me and I began to visit a series of specialist and doctors to determine why I was not healing and what was causing my health to suffer. Finally I was told that I had MRSA and a bone infection in my surgery site.  The speculation is that the MRSA I had suffered earlier had not totally cleared and had lie dormant and finally there was a wound and a compromised immune system… a perfect storm for MRSA to wreak havoc on my body. Fear is not something I have experienced often but I admit to feeling very frightened. The proximity to the brain and the fragility of the tissue in my sinuses put me at risk for the infection crossing the tissue barrier into the brain and having had experience with the sudden death of someone I knew because of something very similar made me all to aware of how serious this was.

I began a journey to fight off the infection and regain my health. I can not tell you the astonishment at realizing now how I have always taken my health and wellness for granted. Simple things like going to the bathroom without a pump and a bag of fluids, freedom to engage in everyday activities in life without having to be tied down to a picc line and daily treatments, taking a shower and washing my own hair, freedom from pain and sickness and fear… energy to simply function. Looking around the infusion center every day I took in how many people there were experiencing similar challenges, many sicker than I and with much more threatening illnesses. I began to realize how fragile health is and how quickly it can slip through our fingers. Being an advocate of health and wellness and practicing what I considered a healthy lifestyle I was stunned by how quickly my health had left me.

I’m going to tell you, I think there are many contributing factors to my illness and that I was afraid… I have never been so sick in my life and at times I thought I might die. It was frightening… it was a wake up call. God has my attention… I am listening. I will continue to share with you my experiences, this is just a starting point.

I am still waiting one more culture to confirm that the infections are no longer present in my body, but I feel hopeful and confident in my freedom from this burden. Day by day I feel stronger and more full of life again, I took my first shower night before last and wept while I did so because I felt so much appreciation for my new found health and the blessings in my life… little things like showers. I struggle to take things slowly and not get in too big a hurry to return to life as I know it… relapse is not something I desire to experience. Today my plan is to eat healthy, appreciate life, give thanks, help someone, and go for a walk. Wow… thinking that only a few months ago I was doing boot camp… granted I was struggling through it… but I was making it, today just a simple walk without feeling light headed, sick to my stomach, or totally exhausted afterwards is a good goal. I work quietly reading and absorbing positive thoughts and energy from familiar sources of inspiration and start to put together the beginnings of a plan for my journey back to health and wellness.

I’m slowly working out what path to take and how to approach this journey. The possibilities are so limitless that I sometimes feel a bit overwhelmed but I trust that the way will make its self known. I have faith that God will send me the guidance and direction I need and the waters will part… J

Why am I telling you all of this… because I was a healthy, fit, lively, vibrant human being less than a year ago… in great shape and flourishing. What I want to say to you is this, don’t take anything for granted in life, not your happiness, your dreams, your family and friends, or your health! Live every day in the moment and take care of your body… mentally, physically and spiritually. Realize that even in the most difficult and challenging of times there are bits of wisdom and a brilliant lesson to be gleaned… another opportunity to grow. When life gets you down… take a deep breath and come for a walk with me. I think by sharing we connect and form bonds that carry us thorough when we need inspiration. The journey back will be fantastic… I’m going to share it with you and I hope you will share parts of your journey with me. Lets do it together. J

Blessings…

Chyrl

Happy New Year everyone! I’m a little late with my New Years Post so I decided to skip the standard “new years resolutions” post this year. Instead I just went with what was on my mind and felt good today.

I had the pleasure of spending holiday weekend with many of our friends and family. Being the eager student of life that I am, conversation always has a way of turning at some point towards ones path in life and lessons learned along the way. One conversation in particular stands out and really made a deep and meaningful impression on me. Wanda probably has little idea that the words she spoke to me took hold like they did. I am always trying to find new ways to explain to people what love is and how to demonstrate that to the people in our lives. Finding that perfect balance between love and healthy boundaries seems to be an ongoing struggle for so many. We love, so we tolerate things… things we sometimes shouldn’t, or we visit the opposite extreme and we are intolerant when we should be more so. Therefore, we are always seeking that balance, and to learn how to live love and not just say love. I was so moved by her words in our conversation and they resonated with me on such a meaningful level. I fell compelled to share my thoughts on what she said.

We were discussing relationships and what comprises a healthy strong relationship… what the ingredients are. I have so much respect for her words and thoughts on this because her relationship is one of the special ones we see and all wish for, and they have spent 43 years together… so they have staying power and experience! She shared, that for her, the key was that she and her husband cherished one another and how important she thought that was. We talked a little about what that meant before we had to move on to other things. But I could not get that conversation out of my mind. Its like I knew there was something very meaningful to be gleamed from those words… some real tidbits of wisdom were in there… so I began to think and study what it was about those words that were making such an impression on me. And finally I realized it was that one single word…

Cherish

To cherish is; to hold dear, to feel or show affection for, to keep and cultivate with care and affection, to nurture, to cling fondly or inveterately to.

Other words associated with cherish are: adore, appreciate, cleave to, coddle, comfort, cultivate, defend, dote on, embrace, encourage, enshrine, foster, guard, harbor, honor, idolize, nourish, nurture, preserve, prize, revere, safeguard, shelter, shield, support, sustain, treasure, value, venerate.

When we marry we promise to honor and cherish the one we bind ourselves to… its even a covenant with God to do this in most faiths.

Think of each of those words. Let the meaning sink in deeply with you. Think of your partner and ask yourself… are you cherishing them? If you are, then my guess is that your relationship is solid as a rock and it is grounded and strong like an oak tree… deeply rooted and sheltering. It is well fed and feds all of those around it as well. I think to cherish, is to not take for granted, but instead, to be ever in the presence of that constant appreciation and love

Isn’t this is how we should love all of the special people in our lives, our family and friends… please cherish those you love.

Happy 2013!!

Chyrl

A learned man once went to a Zen master to inquire about Zen. As the Zen master talked, the learned man would frequently interrupt him with remarks like “Oh yes, we have that too”, and so forth. Finally the Zen master stopped talking and began to serve tea to the learned man; however he kept on pouring and the teacup overflowed. “Enough! No more can go into the cup!” the learned man interrupted. “Indeed, I see,” answered the Zen master. “If you do not first empty your cup, how can you taste my cup of tea?”  From Artist of Life by Bruce Lee

Often in life we fail to taste anothers tea because our cup is already full. Without our conscious thought we are impervious to the nourishment and wisdom offered us in life because our cup is already full. We are limited by our own vision, by our own knowledge and understanding.

I recently had this discussion with a woman who had a grandchild who was Autistic. The lady shared with me how she had struggled with feeling her grandchild was not normal like the rest of us and was robbed of experiencing the beauty of life. I felt compelled to share these thoughts with her…

What is normal? How do we know that your grandchild is not really the normal one and that we are not the flawed ones here. I mean who are we really to decide that a person is missing something in life and that in their “handicap” they are somehow limited and cheated in life… because the reality is… we don’t know anything about their world. In their world they could be experiencing something more beautiful than we can even conceive of. I believe we are each created in a likeness of God and therefore how do we not know that your grandchild is not the one who is normal… I mean after all he is not encumbered by preconceived notions and tainted thinking imposed on him by someone else’s innocent limitations. Your grandchild could wake up every day of his life and experience this world with the eyes of an angel and the spirit of a sage. He is like a child reborn anew every day. His thinking open… his cup empty and thirsty for whatever life offers that day. Can you imagine how beautiful his life might be? He may not be able to communicate with us how he experiences life, but maybe… just maybe… its beautiful beyond comprehension. Perhaps he is the sage… and we the student.

Her smile made my day… because I knew she had tasted a whole new flavor of tea… forever changing the way she viewed her grandchild.

Today… empty your cup and taste a new flavor of tea.

Blessings…

Chyrl

I have always struggled with being able to find that quiet spot inside myself… I seemed to believe I had to be in a temple, Japanese garden or a rainforest to experience it. I mean surely Zenness required some special place that was sacred or something… right? I would ask myself… who can have any Zen in all this chaos, this place doesn’t have the right energy and my mojo just cannot function here. Few places felt right and it was like I was not running on all cylinders, I felt clogged up and bogged down. I knew I needed to find that space… get grounded and focused again. But on some level I just didn’t think I could have it without there being a dependence on outside forces to make that happen for me. The environment and setting had to be just so and I had to be sold on it, even the way I approached it effected the energy I felt there.

The problem with all of this is that I felt such a desperation for that Zenness. I yearned for it… I craved it. I wanted it with the impatience of a teenager and the poutiness of a harlot! Right NOW! I acknowledged that I could not always be up on the mountain but had to find  a way to bring the mountain to myself.

So began my quest. I prepared my bathroom for long hot baths with candles and rose petals and then focused hard on my breathing. I draped my patio with Zen like paraphernalia and water art and created little ceremonies and meditation rituals and learned to bring the desired atmosphere a little closer. But the ah ha moment was when I realized that the Zen was not so much about what was around me as what was in me. Big smile.

When I began to focus on that is when I realized that I could indeed have that Zen I desired in teenage girl time and love it like a harlot at the same time…. It just required the growing wisdom of a student and the careful observation of a sage.

I found a bit of Zen in Dr. Wayne Dyers book, Change Your Thoughts – Change Your Life… Living the Wisdom of the Tao, a brilliant translation of the Tao and his suggestions for applying it to our everyday lives. I am no great spiritual devotee nor by any stretch a guru… but what I have learned is that there is wisdom everywhere, all we need do is be open to it. I found the book to contain little nuggets of Zen that we can all gleam something fabulous from.

The getting is in the letting go of our expectations and our creating new agreements with ourselves about how we receive our blessings and find peace.

Run a bath… light candles and play the sounds of 1000 chanting monks… sit quietly in the rainforest… or simply breathe deep and hone the Zen within. It’s yours for the taking.

Happy hunting…

Chyrl